An Unquiet Mind

right now i’m reading An Unquiet Mind (a memoir of moods and madness) by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison. its about a professor of psychiatry battle with her own Manic-Depressive Disorder. im about half way thru in a night. its very captivating and rather frightening because i understand it all to well because im manic-depressive too. but anyway, i have to transcribe this paragraph because it struck so close to home it stopped my speed reading in my tracks. as any of my friends well know im a music fanatic, i drownd myself in it. this is so familiar and nearly a daily practice of mine. anyway…. the quote is as follows….

“My awareness and experience of sounds in general and music in particular were intense. Individual notes from a horn, an oboe, or a cello became exquisitely poignant. I heard each note alone, all notes together, and then each and all with piercing beauty and clarity. I felt as though I were standing in the orchestra pit; soon, the intensity and sadness of classical music became unbearable to me. I became impatient with the pace, as well as overwhelmed by the emotion. I switched abruptly to rock music, pulled out my Rolling Stones albums, and played them as loud as possible. I went from cut to cut, album to album, matching mood to music, music to mood. Soon my rooms were further strewn with records, tapes, and album jackets as I went on my way in search of the perfect sound. The chaos in my mind began to mirror the chaos of my rooms; I could no longer process what I was hearing; I became confused, scared, and disoriented. I could not listen for more than a few minutes to any particular piece of music; my behavior was frenetic, and my mind more so.”
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